Submitted by
Ruhamah
on
July 20, 2020, 9:25 a.m. UTC
@gIn The Forest
@w
@w You find yourself wandering through a well-tended forest, obviously
@wbelonging to the local lord. Birds flit through the air around you and you
@wcan hear all the familiar woodland sounds. The ground is carpeted in moss
@wand grass, and the scent of pine fills your nose.
@w
@g[ Exits: south west ]
@y(Golden Aura) @yAn old cow limps slowly along, dreaming of better days in the sun.
@y(Golden Aura) @yAn old cow limps slowly along, dreaming of better days in the sun.
@y(Golden Aura) @yAn old cow limps slowly along, dreaming of better days in the sun.
@w
@wYou pat an old cow on her head.
@wThe old cow looks at you with adoring eyes and moos experimentally. You turn
@wto walk away, and find it following you...
@wAn old cow starts to follow you.
@gIn A Charming Town
@w You stand in the middle of a charming little town. The houses are all
@wpainted white with many colors of roof. Small, well-dressed children run
@wthrough the lanes shrieking happily, while their mothers stroll the market,
@wbuying what they need. This town looks so idyllic, you'd almost suspect it
@wwas a setup.
@w
@g[ Exits: north west ]
@y(Golden Aura) @yA bean salesman grins merrily at you, offering to sell you a genuine magic bea@yn!
@wAn old cow arrives from the north.
@wA bean salesman looks consideringly at the cow following you.
@CA bean salesman asks, @c"@CThat's a mighty fine cow, kid, don't suppose you'd be thinking about @Cselling it?@c"
@w
@wYou look closely at the salesman. He doesn't seem to be simple-minded, crazy,
@wor blind, but he'd have to be one, if not all three, to think this was a
@wagain, maybe he just got a good deal selling stock to the glue factory.
@w
@CA bean salesman says, @c"@CSo, yes or no, kid. Do you want to sell the cow? I've got some spec@Ctacular magical beans here I'm willing to part with for a piece of animal flesh that good.@c"
@w
@wMagical beans. You consider asking him if you could have the London Bridge
@winstead, but reconsider when you think about how much (or little, as the case
@wmay be) you won't get for the cow at market. A pot of beans at least
@wwill keep you fed tonight.
@w
@CYou say 'yes'
@w
@wA bean salesman beams at you, pulling out a small bag.
@CA bean salesman says, @c"@CNow, don't open this up until you're ready to use them@c"
@w
@wSounds like the typical warning of a con artist right before he absconds with
@wyour property and leaves you with a bag full of dirt.
@w
@wYou make silent plans to open the bag as soon as the salesman
@whas turned his back. The salesman takes the cow's lead rope, points at
@wsomething in the distance, and when you turn to look, disappears. Literally.
@wHe's gone, no sign of him, and left you with a bag of beans of a dubious
@wmagical nature.
@wYou receive a pile of beans from a bean salesman.
@wAn old cow stops following you.
@wYou open the bag of beans cautiously, peering into the depths of the
@wcontainer. You jump back in startlement, dropping the bag, as huge shoots
@wspring from the fabric. Roots sink deep into the ground, and leaves and vines
@wspring high into the sky. This is a beanstalk of truly monolithic
@wproportions. You haven't seen anything like it since you were about five, and
@wa wandering magician came through your village. You remember the awe in your
@wneighbors' eyes as he performed incredible feats of magic. You also remember
@wthe magician and his assistant being hung after they were caught trying to
@wsneak out of of the village with half the mayor's gold. You quickly stop
@wyour musing as a vine snakes out and wraps itself around your ankle,
@wapparently intending to make you the main course.
@w
@wYou hack your way free of the vines and step aside, watching it slowly curl
@wits way into the sky. It looks quite possible to climb this beanstalk, if you
@wcan manage to avoid the smaller vines that seem to have developed a definite
@wtaste for flesh.
@gUp A Beanstalk
@w You find yourself climbing a beanstalk, grown much larger than any you
@whave ever seen before, even after attending last week's bean and harvest
@wfestival (where Snot McGee won first prize with his blue beans, and was
@wlater disqualified when the judges discovered he'd just dyed normal green
@wbeans). The beanstalk reaches up to the sky, far out of your sight.
@w
@g[ Exits: east ]
@y(Golden Aura) @yJack bravely climbs the beanstalk, seeking his fortune!
@gIn A Giant Castle
@w This castle must belong to a very large person (or persons). You
@wcarefully edge around a table leg that's as wide as a 200-year-old redwood,
@wand contemplate where the treasure would be, and how you're going to get to
@wit. High up on the table, you can see a pitcher and a bowl. An oven the
@wsize of a castle sits against the far wall, heating the room.
@w
@g[ Exits: west ]
@w @B(Magic) @W(Glow) @wA golden harp lies here, sounding quiet notes. @Y[@C5@Y/@C5@Y]
@y(Golden Aura) @yThe giant's wife kindly hides you in the oven... you hope she remembered to tu@yrn it off!
@wYou get a golden harp.
@wThe giant's wife looks around in panic as she hears the sound of heavy footsteps outside.
@CThe giant's wife exclaims, @c"@COh, quickly, quickly, you must hide!@c"
@w
@wShe picks you up and quickly shoves you into a large oven. Fortunately, the oven
@wis not on, but it retains the odor of meals cooked in the past.
@wA heavy miasma of blood puddings, roast roc, elephant puree and human flesh
@whangs in the air, almost enough to make you faint.
@w
@wYou can still hear voices faintly outside the oven. Something about
@wfi-fi-fo-fum, maybe a popular new song. Not that you think much of the words,
@wbut how much worse is it than 'do-ah-do-ah kewl kewl kitty?'
@wYou mosh insanely around the room!
@gIn A Giant Oven
@w Yikes! You're stuck in the giant oven, which is fortunately turned off
@wright now. You balance yourself carefully on an iron bar that must be 6
@wfeet across, and contemplate how to get out of this mess. In the distance
@wyou can hear a deep, booming voice, saying Fee Fie Foe Fum, I smell the
@wblood of aof aof dinner!
@w
@g[ Exits: west ]
@y(Golden Aura) @yThe giant comes home, shouting at his wife for his dinner... hopefully it's no@yt you!
@w
@w The voice is much louder now. The voice seems to be saying, 'Fi, fi, fo, fum, I smell the
@wblood of an Aardwolfian. I'll crunch their bones and eat their flesh
@wand...oh, forget it.'
@wYou hear a lot of stomping and cursing right outside the oven, and then a
@wvoice saying, 'Why don't you leave me to cook dinner, dear, and go put your
@wfeet up.' You sincerely hope that you're not dinner.
@w
@wA few moments pass, and the first voice says, 'Well, I'll just sit in the
@wliving room then, and play my golden harp a bit to soothe my nerves.' Ooops,
@wis that the golden harp you're holding? At the sound of its master's voice,
@wthe harp begins playing a jaunty little tune. You think you recognize it as
@w'Summon the Hangman', a popular song in taverns outside of execution squares
@w.
@wWith an angry roar, a large giant rips open the oven door, sees you sitting
@wthere with his golden harp, and attacks!
@wYou receive a goose from the giant.
@gDown The Beanstalk
@w Sliding down the beanstalk in an uncontrollable dive, you seem to catch
@wevery bump, twig, and crevasse right in your most sensitive parts. The sky
@wflashes by you too quickly for you to contemplate, and the ground seems to
@wbe rushing towards you at a decidedly unsafe pace.
@w
@g[ Exits: east ]
@y(Golden Aura) @yJack slides down the beanstalk, carrying a golden harp and a goose!
@wYou give a goose to Jack.
@wJack looks nonchalantly at the goose you've just handed him, and smiles at you
@win a disturbingly ingratiating way.
@CJack says, @c"@CI, uh, don't suppose you'd be willing to trade this entirely worthless goose for@C a, umm, lovely sculpture of an egg, made out of pure gold, would you? I only ask because m@Cy mother, errr, loves birds, and this would make the perfect, ahh, birthday gift for her.@c"
@w
@wHe beams, proud of himself. With a shrug, you accept the golden egg and let
@whim take the goose. As if you wanted to take care of animals anyways.
@w
@wYou receive a golden egg from Jack.
@wA few minutes later, you pass a small cottage, where an argument is going on.
@wLoud voices echo from the doorway, with words like 'Idiot!' 'Hag!'
@w'Simpleminded moron!' and 'Shortsighted, overbearing, overdressed,
@wmanipulating witch!' rebounding off the trees all around. A tantalizing odor
@wof roast goose drifts up from the chimney. You smile, knowing Jack was right
@wthat his mother loves birds, with orange sauce, apparently. You shake your
@whead and continue on your journey.
@wYou give a golden egg to a weasel.
@CA weasel says, @c"@CHmm, looks like you scrambled it while still in the shell.@c"
@w
@CA weasel says, @c"@CThat's okay, I like scrambled eggs.@c"
@w
@wThe weasel cracks open the golden egg and dumps the innards into a small
@wfrying pan. Shoving a pile of papers off one of the console, he slaps the
@wpan down, turns a knob, and merrily cooks himself breakfast. You try to point
@wout to him that you needed that egg for the spell to take you to the seelie court,
@wbut he doesn't seem interested in listening right now.
@w
@wFinally, he puts down his fork, belches lightly, and glares at you.
@CA weasel asks, @c"@CWhat? You have a problem?@c"
@w
@CA weasel says, @c"@CLook, this spell has about a snowball's chance in the fiery butt of a phoeni@Cx of actually working.@c"
@w
@CA weasel says, @c"@CNot like just having the shell's going to make that much difference here.@c"
@w
@CA weasel says, @c"@CAnd I was hungry.@c"
@w
@wA weasel glares around it.
@wThe weasel scrapes up all the pieces of shell he can find and chunks them into the
@wpot. It doesn't add anything to the smell, other than stirring it up to attack your
@wsinuses again.
@CA weasel asks, @c"@CWhat's next? What's next?@c"
@w
@CA weasel says, @c"@CRight! We'll need Sleeping Beauty's kiss. Not her lips, mind you, her kiss@C.@c"
@w
@CA weasel says, @c"@CNo! I don't know how you're going to transport a kiss, and I don't care.@c"
@w
@CA weasel says, @c"@CThat's your problem! Kids these days, no imagination.@c"
@w
@wThe weasel grumbles off, leaving you to your task.
@w
@W**@Y Task Done @w: Bring the golden egg back to the weasel.
@W** @GTask Added @w: Bring Sleeping Beauty's kiss back to the weasel.
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